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I come from a small town, enjoy laughing and being the weird one to help others smile. We should hang out sometime.

Monday, August 8, 2011

The Abyss

“If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

To every guy, there is a terrifying realm. In this realm nothing you could ever do matters. It is a trap, an endless pit with walls slick as glass. This is.... THE FRIEND ZONE!!

I warn you friends, this is not where you want to be. This limbo is a place where all you do is for naught. You may very well find yourself wandering this place for eternity.  

How does one end up in here? I cannot personally tell you, I can only describe the horrors. You will find yourself wasting away while the person you had hoped to woo continues to ignore your carefully planned advances. Sure you may have the joy of spending long hours with that person, but you will only be a friend. No matter how many chick flicks you sit through, you will always just be the friend. A person to confide in, and fall asleep on, but never to be the person to fall for.  Whatever you do, don't fall for them and end up falling into the Abyss. It's better to fall on your face

In other news....  

                                                        I have a Navajo buddy who says we're going to watch the new Twilight movie because Jacob Black "is angry that he's been shoved into the 'Friend Zone' "

     I smell.


 I've actually been hanging out with friends (or I'm freaking good at making up outings with my imaginary friends)

I miss band!! So to help me not miss it so much I found this...

100 reasons you've been in marching band too long…

1. When you hear music and you start marking time.
2. When you walk behind someone and you're in step with them.
3. When you try to guess the tempo of your favorite song.
4. When all your friends are in the band.
5. When you don't mind changing clothes on the bus.
6. When you point out key changes and dynamics while listening to the radio.
7. When every guy/girl you're interested in is in the band.
8. When you like wearing your uniform.
9. When people ask you about your social life and you say, "Oh, you mean my flute/trumpet/drum/etc.?"
10. When you consider your drill book a fashion accessory.
11. When you've had a "trombone-ectomy"
12. When you practice your instrument more than you talk to your dog.
13. When being mauled by a drum is a normal part of life.
14. When people worry when they see you without you instrument.
15. When "armed guard," means a girl with a pole instead of a guy with a gun.
16. When band camp is FUN
17. When you respond to "band **"
18. When someone says the word "box" and you automatically put your head up.
19. When you remember flats and sharps more easily than your name.
20. When you dress the lunch line, and urge others to do the same.
21. When you're alone and you suffocate because there's no one telling you to breathe.
22. When slides feel normal.
23. When your instrument has a name.
24. When you remember your instrument's birthday and forget your mom's.
25. When making a line is you biggest accomplishment of the day.
26. When back marching no longer reminds you of ballet.
27. When you give your instrument a birthday party.
28. When you can make brown shoes look white.
29. When your uniform fits.
30. When white feathers become a fashion "do".
31. When you see your section more than you see your family.
32. When everyone wants to kill the other football team...and you want to kill the other band.
33. When you have dreams about selling Woody's Wings.
34. When you think evening practices should last a half-hour longer.
35. When you accidentally call your band director "Dad".
36. When you CAN sight-read.
37. When you can put on you uniform in less than 10 minutes.
38. When reeds taste good.
39. When Woody's Wings are part of you daily diet.
40. When you think your plume is alive.
41. When marking time is your favorite form of exercise.
42. When you have a neck strap/harness/dot book tan line.
43. When you subconsciously start practicing with a pencil.
44. When numbers past 8 aren't important.
45. When you're more opinionated about the Madison scouts/Phantom Regiment Rivalry than the O.J. trial.
46. When you roll-step through the cafeteria so you don't spill your lunch.
47. When you'd rather practice than read this list.
48. When letters past G aren't important.
49. When you CAN AND ARE WILLING to fall asleep on the band bus.
50. When you hear music and start conducting.
51. When your non-band friends have disowned you.
52. You've named your plume.
53. You attend a game only to watch the halftime show and then leave once it's over.
54. Your social life includes memorizing music.
55. You've practiced so long the color guard is together.
56. You memorize stand tunes for fun.
57. You know your school fight song by heart.
58. You root for the other football team to lessen the time of your season.
59. You don't mind singing on the bus so long as it's the show music.
60. You step on the field again after summer vacation, kiss the ground and yell "I'm home at last!"
61. You can sing not only your show from three years ago, but the other band's show that beat you.
62. You invest in a mouthpiece warmer.
63. Wide open spaces urge you to march your show.
64. You have at least 2 instruments - a junky one for marching and a good one for concert band.
65. Dreams of marching are constantly in your head.
66. Seeing the sunrise and sun set standing in the same spot on the same field doesn't seem odd.
67. You come back after graduation to watch the band on their first day of summer band.
68. You practice the show so much people think you have eyes in the back of your head.
69. You purposely get demerits/fail so you can have extra marching time.
70. You wear your marching shoes to school.
71. The most exciting thing in your life is marching band.
72. It feels odd to wake up in the morning when there is light outside.
73. You start to call the "football field" the "marching field".
74. You call to ask for marching advice from people who graduated years ago.
75. Your senior year you buy your own uniform, hat, and plume as a memento.
76. You no longer think of yourself as a person, but as a dot on a drill book page.
77. You remember each year of high school by the show that you marched in and not the grade.
78. You sit in ready position...at the dinner table.
79. You march in the summer to keep up good marching skills.
80. You have good marching skills.
81. You "Plume Kiss"
82. Your homecoming mum says "Go Band!" not "Go Team!"
83. You miss homecoming for a band function and don't mind.
84. Everyone fights like family.
85. Your band locker has more of your personal items in it than your closet.
86. You forget your sister's name but remember the first, middle, and last name of everyone in your +200 member band.
87. You see your section more than your family.
88. You know everyone in band's business.
89. You have no secrets.
90. Your pets enjoy hearing you play.
91. You can tell who's in the bathroom by looking at their sneakers under the stall.
92. The furniture is dented from your drummer friends banging on it.
93. You can still play your horn for 40 minutes straight after being awake on a bus for 40 hours.
94. You add "English Royal Gaurd" to your job choices after you graduate high school.
95. Changing your oil means opening up your case.
96. You think of sabatoging instruments at the solo & ensemble festival.
97. You can have an interesting conversation with a tuba player or a drummer.
98. You go trick or treating in you band uniform and can think of something your uniform could be (Royal Gaurd Uniform, Police Man Uniform, ect..)
99. You can tell someone's band jacket just by looking at the patches.
And finally the 100th way to tell if you've been in band too long...
100. You actually read through this whole list because it was funny and you got most of jokes.
You know you’re a band geek when...
You start to tap your foot to elevator music.
You make music jokes in a class when there are no other band members in that class.
You spend extra time in the band room and practice your scales faster and faster.
You have pictures of John Phillip Sousa on your locker.
Your band director is your contact person on your emergency card.
You have a different band shirt for everyday of the week.
You practice show step when walking around your house.
You walk in step with your friends.
All your friends and your friends' friends are band members.
Your band uniforms doubles as a Halloween costume.
The band room phone is like your pager.
You tap your foot to the radio.
Your favorite song is by someone who died 100 years ago.
You wear your marching shoes to school.
You keep a spare change of clothes in your band locker.
You wear your marching gloves with your prom dress.
You know what key N*Sync is singing in.
You sing Roll Over Beethoven as you walk to class.
You eat lunch in the band room.
You consider band as a sport.
You have your parents video tape the shows so you can march with them in the off season.
You wear your concert attire to homecoming.
You are friends with the incoming freshmen band members.
Your read budget is higher than your food budget.
When you cut class, you go to the band room.
You vow revenge on the music black market.
You know all the cheerleaders cheers.
You don't go home on the day of a football game.
Your only social activity is Wednesday practice.
Your idea of a recliner is a black music posture chair.
When you graduate, you don't leave.
Band directors house and band room are on speed dial.
You're the only one who shows up for pep band.
You don't take "double tonguing" as a dirty joke.
You know "panache" is a feather.
You conduct in the shower.
You can tune a tenor sax.
You shed tears during Hail Liberty.
You sit in class and start to finger notes on your pencil.
You double tongue in the halls.
You get upset while driving because your windshield wipers aren't in time with the radio.
In a turning lane you notice that the blinkers are not synchronized.
You can relate to the term, "One time in band camp..."
You wear your concert attire, and look at yourself in the mirror and say "I'm good looking".
When you fight for a sports locker, and say "Band is too a sport!" along with the cheerleaders.
Everything on this list describes you to a T.

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