Anaconda Squeeze!

Well hey there. It's me again.  I guess that's why you come here, am I right? Tonight... I really don't know how I feel. I'm a bit of apathetic, lost, dejected, spiritless, and disappointed. Do you really want to know why? Likely not so I won't bore you with that stuff and such.
    What I WILL regale you with, is a tale of my recent adventures.

I'm Sorry

I find myself mildly sorry for neglecting this blog. I think I may start up vlogging. Yea? Nay? Potatoes? I love myself... and you guys as well I guess.

My father the meme

HAVE AT IT!

Toys

So sometimes I miss being a wild child of the land. Sometimes I remember I used to competitively throw hatchets. Sometimes I go to a website whose catalog I would (literally) drool over and accidentally click on something that led me here. You know... the Closeout section. Basically I've decided I'm buying these things.

 Tactical Warrior Neck Knife

This neck knife has a full tang construction of black anodized 420 stainless steel with a razor sharp 3 1/8" blade and ABS handle. The impact resistant sheath holds the knife firmly in place and includes a nylon neck cord for lightweight transport. 6 7/8" overall

United Black Ronin Magnum Axe

Named after the infamous Ronin, the rogue masterless samurai warriors. Constructed from one solid piece of hard black anodized stainless steel with a heavy-duty nylon cord wrapped grip. This fully functional fantasy axe is equipped with a 7 1/2" axe head and is perfectly balanced for a no-slip grip. Includes nylon sheath. 22 1/2" overall

Yeah.... this is all I have to say for myself....

W0984366

Girls

Girls. Girls are a neverending source of confusion and aches. The worst part is, they are just so cute and irresistible. It's true that I can manage to stay away for awhile, but I can't stop heading back for more punishment.

Did I mention they're confusing? Definitely. When you think you have a chance, you really don't. When you don't think they'd even look at you twice, they tend to be thinking about kissing you. And when you think you know if they like you, they banish you to the friendzone or toss you out. And when I say you, I really mean me. 

  Oh yeah... then there's that entire thing when they find you attractive. Down below are things personally heard and directed towards me. 

"I feel I could talk to you about anything, ask you to dance in the rain with me or just go wander in a forest of aspen trees. I could look at the stars with you, and not say anything at all because I know you see the value in silence. But I could also tell you all the things I believe, what I wonder about the universe, and know that you wonder about some of them too. I feel like if I could make you laugh, it would be one of the best sounds in the world. I want to know you. As you are. Without you feeling I expect anything other than you. I feel like you would understand what it's like to hide so much, hiding when something is wrong, and you don't know what, but you just smile and laugh with people because you know it's something you can't exactly say in words."

"You're beautiful"
"You're handsome."

"you're seriously an awesome guy."

"ur a babe"

"You have it all. Swagger. Personality. Witty. Funny. handsome. You just rock at life."
"You have one sexy smile."
"Your eyes are the best I've seen."

What really gets me though, is if even a quarter of these things were true, why can't I ever manage to make anything last? To work out? To manage to be liked back in the same way? Why must it always turn out I'm just some booty call, the fallback? Oh yeah, and that girl I completely crush on and try to let know how I feel? I may as well be dead because I'm a nice guy. I've figure it out. Nice guys make great husband material, great friend material, but they're not what girls need now.

My (least) favorite part about this irony in being "attractive"? That girl I've crushed on forever doesn't realize it's her. I've been friend zoned and I don't see me getting out of it,because if I tried to exit it and succeed, I would probably fail. Failure would mean that I get out of the friend zone, but also told (kindly) to exit her life.

Oh yeah... and girls that I like and probably have a chance to do well with, they're hours away now. That's life.

Meh

So sometimes I have awesome friends. Sometimes we play Wallball and I take off my shirt. Other times we stuff our faces at Tucanos and laugh uproariously for five minutes. Oh yeah. Sometimes they get me hooked on music groups.

Like these examples below...

Japanese rock and Russian techno? I have found what I shall be listening to now.

                  Life isn't too fun right now. Been working 9-13 hours each day this past week and it's looking to be more or less the same this coming week. The first week was completely understandable, stocking a new store and being trained to be perfect by corporate. I had been hoping it would stop this week but some lovely person decided to quit opening week. Awesome.

Smiling all Happily

Smile!!!

<-- This guy does it correctly

 

 ^

Emo Hitler does it wrong

 He just needs to turn it upside down--->

So you might be 

WONDERING 

 
 
why...        


       I have so much about smiles... 

well.... [can you tell I like girls ellipses?] I have to tell you something. The other day I realized [or rather I was told]

that I have an amazing smile.

It's not one of those things you usually see in yourself === I certainly HOPE not === but such has been said too many times very recently and over time that I'm beginning to believe it. I mean it's really one of the things  that people comment most on to me. "Wow Bourne! You're always smiling!" "Don't you ever stop smiling!?!?"

And I also try very hard to make sure everyone around me has a good reason to smile. A smile from me (they're infectious), a joke, or I'll even do something absurd and totally outrageous. [band anyone?]

Let me be Frank. Actually... I'd rather just be myself.

 Poor pun aside (and a bit above)

I'm not really all that proud of my body.

MONGO CONFESSION SECTION!!!

My body is nice and strong and such... but it's... hard to explain. The only part of it I'm somewhat proud of

IS

MY LEGS!!!!

Isn't that beautiful? Alright alright. It's a low quality picture and tacky but I like it. 

 Now back to the main topic of this post. My smile. The most recent example of the power of my own smile goes back to a day earlier this week. I was hanging out in the mall with some friends. Two girls walked into the store (Pac Sun or whatever) and they were cute. My friends (two of which were on shift at the store) saw me look and dared me to flirt with them. Naturally, me being the bashful guy I am, just smiled and blushed and looked away. Then I felt the eyes upon me. I looked up and made eye contact and I guess I smiled. I continued talking with my friends and awkwardly not making eye contact with either of those girls. But I would casually look over and everytime I did that they happened to look over at me. 

Right after they left, a girl friend I was with (notice the space?) started going crazy. She was amazed that somehow I had managed to flirt with the girls without even going over and talking to them.

This really started me thinking... what is a smile? What does it do? 

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” --Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I then realized that I smile, not only for me, but for others. I smile nonstop when people see me, because I'm always enjoying the presence of others. 

I LOVE being with and around people.

And that makes me happy inside. “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” --  Thich Nhat Hanh quotes (Vietnamese Monk, Activist and Writer

  And I also have learned that throughout my life, I've always tried to make others around me smile and feel some happiness. Why? I know not. Probably because everybody looks good with a smile on their face :D

Then there are times where I remember how great it is to have something to smile about. I look back at my Freshman year. Before I moved to Timpview, I lived in a middle of nowhere town and had tons of awesome friends that I could go hang out with and do anything at anytime. Life was amazing.

Then I moved.

I had been uprooted and now lived in a place that always had noise and thousands of people.  I went to a school where I wouldn't be able to know everybody's name (though I sure tried over the years) just through sheer dint of numbers.  

Being as it was January, everyone knew everyone and was totally comfortable. I wasn't. Coming from a small, middle of nowhere town was rather hard for me. The Commons were a constant struggle just because I did not want to be rude at all and perchance offend somebody (don't worry I got over that worry). And to make matters more difficult, I had that issue almost every person that moves in to a new place has.  

Making new friends was hard. 

 It took me about two months to really make a few friends (Thank you band) that I would hang out with at school. Before that point I went to classes, felt embarrassed I knew the answer to every question {small classes move through material faster than big classes}, ate lunch ALONE in the cafeteria, then watched the chess club play chess. After which I'd go back to sitting in the corner in class.

What does any of this have to do with me smiling? It made me appreciate the power of a smile. People say that a smile can really make a person's day. Fact is, the saying is true. I made it a specific goal in my life to help others smile. What has it gotten me? Well it has turned my smile.... 

 into a...

 Smile    of     HAPPINESS

 

 

SUCCESS!! ^.*

The End!

Okay, you caught me. That was not in fact the end of the post. But I rather had you fearful of the end for maybe two seconds right?  

 Today, I will type of a concept that has seriously been nagging in the back of my mind for the past month. 

The subject at hand? Just the word popular. 

           

pop·u·lar

 [pop-yuh-ler] 

adjective

1.

regarded with favor, approval, or affection by people in general: a popular preacher.

2.

regarded with favor, approval, or affection by an acquaintance or acquaintances: He's not very popular with me just now.

You may be more than a tad quizzical as to why this word has been irking my psyche. Honestly, it's something I never wanted to be. Everyone knows the popular people are complete snots that spend their hours attempting to contemplate a new routine of crushing and attacking anyone and everyone. 

Coming from a rural area, I never saw one of these stereotypical popular persons. Everyone was (more or less) friends with everyone. Sure there were a few declared blood feuds, but EVERYONE was civil, if not outright kind. We all knew that only city kids could possibly be so mean to one another.

Why all the seemingly random backstory? Well... recently one of my I have been accused of being popular.The sad part? I think it might be true. This past year I've been hearing all about it. I''ve had people "hear that [I'm] good at back massages" or other such knowledge about me. Apparently I am spoken of fairly often. How do I know this? Well just the other day I met a girl who knew of me. Weird stuff. NOW it's the end!