Falcon punch

So uhh... Do you guys remember that time in my life where I ceaselessly crusaded to amuse everyone? Yeah. I kinda stopped doing that after I came back from the Lake. Today is a day where I rather feel a bit of remorse for such lack of action on my part, but to be perfectly honest, I have been busy. Busy busy BUSY busy busy busy busy busy BUSY! It's awesome how, if you repeat a word over and over, the word seems more and more absurd.

For not posting in forever

Back to business. I am now a featured pastry chef at the Riverwoods Kneaders and I bake ALL of the sweet breads for both Provo stores. Here's an average day in the life of Yidlogo Ałzhi'shì:

• 4:30 A.M. -- Gityersawrrykarkusup, perform morning ablutions
• 4:40 A.M. -- Leave to Comalitos, order ham and egg burrito, munchitize whilst driving to work
• 5:00 A.M. -- Clock in, begin day of work at Riverwoods Kneaders
• ~12 Noon~1 P.M. -- Leave Riverwoods Kneaders
• ~1:45 P.M. -- Nap
• 5:00 P.M. -- Arise, head to work
• ~5:15~5:30 P.M. -- Clock in Provo Kneaders
• 9:45 P.M. -- Clock out and flee
• 10:00 P.M. --  Devour anything that seems remotely appetizing at place of residence
• 10:30 P.M. -- Worship the internet gods
• 12 Midnight -- Ready for bed
• 1:00 A.M. -- Actual time I crawl onto my mattresss

And now you know because it's Mike's supershort show!!

Oh, and sometimes I actually go out. Those days are Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. So yeah... if you're interested in seeing me (crazy talk I know), those would be the days you are most likely to have success with.

Fun story of the post? Mmm... Well I went to the Timpview Homecoming game. It was pretty fun seeing a number of people. But moment that stole the night? Well allow me to recount it for you.

           ....I had decided to veritably "cowboy up" for the day. I personally blame the fact that I had been spending several days in the land of Millard County. At the game I was simply standing around and chatting with that good friend of mine, Trey Nelson. Suddenly, I felt a presence on my hat and it soon began to rise off of my head. Behind me, a child gloatingly head my hat up out of reach (being as he was a row above me) and began to initiate some taunt. He never got to finish it. I just decked him in the gut and took my hat back when he doubled over. The moral of this story? Never take a cowboy's hat.

Oh yeah... and people were all like "You shouldn't have done that." or "I could have told you not to mess with Bourne." That was insanely gratifying for some reason. Made go all Jafar.

Wasn't that a nice story? I enjoyed the part where the protagonist went and talked to people. Oh, and the Call of Duty party after. That was sweet.

Oh yeah.

OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!!!!

Forgotten

 My newest man crush. ish....

Oh goodness! I rather completely forgot about this blog... and I bet nobody noticed. SOOOooooOOoOoOooOoOOoo........



ALFALFA BANANA PANCAKE TURKEY-FISH CONSTANTINOPLE EZREAL FILE NOT FOUND OTTER.


I love life. Maybe someday soon I shall tell you of it. Until then, I'm attempting to manage a Barbershop quartet.... Any  help appreciated.

 

T.T

One day I will run away, one day I won't force the smile.
One day I will see the bay, one day I might stay awhile.
I will be surrounded by love and peace, I'll feel fuzzy and warm.
I need not fear the raging beast, not fear that deriding scorn.
I need not fill with rage, nor with sorrow.
That beast will lie in a cage, there will be a better tomorrow. 

Meh

Some days there really isn't a reason to be unhappy. Some days everything is just dandy. But for some reason there are times when I just can't help but feel less than joyful. I really don't know what it is. It's just a feeling that comes around, an idea that I am not adequate, that who I am isn't enough. There's probably counseling for it, meh. I've got a dog that loves me and bed that's supportive of me. Oh yeah. And ice cream. Fat kids freaking love ice cream.
  Oh yeah. So basically people should hang out with me. I miss people.

Untitled

The main character of our story settled down into that driving position which can be maintained for hours on end. A few things flashed by which were of passing interest. Dead snake. Baby stroller. Ice cream cone. For near on one hundred miles he drove, just to reach a small hamlet that was mostly untouched by the twenty-first century. Upon reaching this lovely little town, he roused his co-pilot, who had dutifully stayed attentive at his post. What was so important at this place? An idea. The idea of a "double date".  On this outing, twas hiking, a movie, and soaking in thermal springs. Our protagonist greatly enjoyed these activities with the simple locals and looks forward to the next event where they may meet. 
                   In another paragraph of his story, he went on an even greater hunt. The "tripe date". Yes my friends, it happened. Might I say that the outing will defy any attempt your humble orator may put forth to portray it in words. With that said, here is a picture which might exemplify the joy of the hunt.

Anaconda Squeeze!

Well hey there. It's me again.  I guess that's why you come here, am I right? Tonight... I really don't know how I feel. I'm a bit of apathetic, lost, dejected, spiritless, and disappointed. Do you really want to know why? Likely not so I won't bore you with that stuff and such.
    What I WILL regale you with, is a tale of my recent adventures.

I'm Sorry

I find myself mildly sorry for neglecting this blog. I think I may start up vlogging. Yea? Nay? Potatoes? I love myself... and you guys as well I guess.

My father the meme

HAVE AT IT!

Toys

So sometimes I miss being a wild child of the land. Sometimes I remember I used to competitively throw hatchets. Sometimes I go to a website whose catalog I would (literally) drool over and accidentally click on something that led me here. You know... the Closeout section. Basically I've decided I'm buying these things.

 Tactical Warrior Neck Knife

This neck knife has a full tang construction of black anodized 420 stainless steel with a razor sharp 3 1/8" blade and ABS handle. The impact resistant sheath holds the knife firmly in place and includes a nylon neck cord for lightweight transport. 6 7/8" overall

United Black Ronin Magnum Axe

Named after the infamous Ronin, the rogue masterless samurai warriors. Constructed from one solid piece of hard black anodized stainless steel with a heavy-duty nylon cord wrapped grip. This fully functional fantasy axe is equipped with a 7 1/2" axe head and is perfectly balanced for a no-slip grip. Includes nylon sheath. 22 1/2" overall

Yeah.... this is all I have to say for myself....

W0984366

Girls

Girls. Girls are a neverending source of confusion and aches. The worst part is, they are just so cute and irresistible. It's true that I can manage to stay away for awhile, but I can't stop heading back for more punishment.

Did I mention they're confusing? Definitely. When you think you have a chance, you really don't. When you don't think they'd even look at you twice, they tend to be thinking about kissing you. And when you think you know if they like you, they banish you to the friendzone or toss you out. And when I say you, I really mean me. 

  Oh yeah... then there's that entire thing when they find you attractive. Down below are things personally heard and directed towards me. 

"I feel I could talk to you about anything, ask you to dance in the rain with me or just go wander in a forest of aspen trees. I could look at the stars with you, and not say anything at all because I know you see the value in silence. But I could also tell you all the things I believe, what I wonder about the universe, and know that you wonder about some of them too. I feel like if I could make you laugh, it would be one of the best sounds in the world. I want to know you. As you are. Without you feeling I expect anything other than you. I feel like you would understand what it's like to hide so much, hiding when something is wrong, and you don't know what, but you just smile and laugh with people because you know it's something you can't exactly say in words."

"You're beautiful"
"You're handsome."

"you're seriously an awesome guy."

"ur a babe"

"You have it all. Swagger. Personality. Witty. Funny. handsome. You just rock at life."
"You have one sexy smile."
"Your eyes are the best I've seen."

What really gets me though, is if even a quarter of these things were true, why can't I ever manage to make anything last? To work out? To manage to be liked back in the same way? Why must it always turn out I'm just some booty call, the fallback? Oh yeah, and that girl I completely crush on and try to let know how I feel? I may as well be dead because I'm a nice guy. I've figure it out. Nice guys make great husband material, great friend material, but they're not what girls need now.

My (least) favorite part about this irony in being "attractive"? That girl I've crushed on forever doesn't realize it's her. I've been friend zoned and I don't see me getting out of it,because if I tried to exit it and succeed, I would probably fail. Failure would mean that I get out of the friend zone, but also told (kindly) to exit her life.

Oh yeah... and girls that I like and probably have a chance to do well with, they're hours away now. That's life.