One day I will run away, one day I won't force the smile.
One day I will see the bay, one day I might stay awhile.
I will be surrounded by love and peace, I'll feel fuzzy and warm.
I need not fear the raging beast, not fear that deriding scorn.
I need not fill with rage, nor with sorrow.
That beast will lie in a cage, there will be a better tomorrow.
Some days there really isn't a reason to be unhappy. Some days everything is just dandy. But for some reason there are times when I just can't help but feel less than joyful. I really don't know what it is. It's just a feeling that comes around, an idea that I am not adequate, that who I am isn't enough. There's probably counseling for it, meh. I've got a dog that loves me and bed that's supportive of me. Oh yeah. And ice cream. Fat kids freaking love ice cream.
Oh yeah. So basically people should hang out with me. I miss people.
The main character of our story settled down into that driving position which can be maintained for hours on end. A few things flashed by which were of passing interest. Dead snake. Baby stroller. Ice cream cone. For near on one hundred miles he drove, just to reach a small hamlet that was mostly untouched by the twenty-first century. Upon reaching this lovely little town, he roused his co-pilot, who had dutifully stayed attentive at his post. What was so important at this place? An idea. The idea of a "double date". On this outing, twas hiking, a movie, and soaking in thermal springs. Our protagonist greatly enjoyed these activities with the simple locals and looks forward to the next event where they may meet. In another paragraph of his story, he went on an even greater hunt. The "tripe date". Yes my friends, it happened. Might I say that the outing will defy any attempt your humble orator may put forth to portray it in words. With that said, here is a picture which might exemplify the joy of the hunt.
Well hey there. It's me again. I guess that's why you come here, am I right? Tonight... I really don't know how I feel. I'm a bit of apathetic, lost, dejected, spiritless, and disappointed. Do you really want to know why? Likely not so I won't bore you with that stuff and such. What I WILL regale you with, is a tale of my recent adventures.
I find myself mildly sorry for neglecting this blog. I think I may start up vlogging. Yea? Nay? Potatoes? I love myself... and you guys as well I guess.
So sometimes I miss being a wild child of the land. Sometimes I remember I used to competitively throw hatchets. Sometimes I go to a website whose catalog I would (literally) drool over and accidentally click on something that led me here. You know... the Closeout section. Basically I've decided I'm buying these things.
Tactical Warrior Neck Knife
This neck knife has a full tang construction of black anodized 420
stainless steel with a razor sharp 3 1/8" blade and ABS handle. The
impact resistant sheath holds the knife firmly in place and includes a
nylon neck cord for lightweight transport. 6 7/8" overall
United Black Ronin Magnum Axe
Named after the infamous Ronin, the rogue masterless samurai warriors.
Constructed from one solid piece of hard black anodized stainless steel
with a heavy-duty nylon cord wrapped grip. This fully functional fantasy
axe is equipped with a 7 1/2" axe head and is perfectly balanced for a
no-slip grip. Includes nylon sheath. 22 1/2" overall
Girls. Girls are a neverending source of confusion and aches. The worst part is, they are just so cute and irresistible. It's true that I can manage to stay away for awhile, but I can't stop heading back for more punishment.
Did I mention they're confusing? Definitely. When you think you have a chance, you really don't. When you don't think they'd even look at you twice, they tend to be thinking about kissing you. And when you think you know if they like you, they banish you to the friendzone or toss you out. And when I say you, I really mean me.
Oh yeah... then there's that entire thing when they find you attractive. Down below are things personally heard and directed towards me.
"I feel I could talk to you about anything, ask you to dance in the
rain with me or just go wander in a forest of aspen trees. I could look
at the stars with you, and not say anything at all because I know you
see the value in silence. But
I could also tell you all the things I believe, what I wonder about the
universe, and know that you wonder about some of them too. I feel like
if I could make you laugh, it would be one of the best sounds in the
world. I
want to know you. As you are. Without you feeling I expect anything
other than you. I feel like you would understand what it's like to hide
so much, hiding when something is wrong, and you don't know what, but
you just smile and laugh with people because you know it's something you
can't exactly say in words."
"You're beautiful" "You're handsome."
"you're seriously an awesome guy."
"ur a babe"
"You have it all. Swagger. Personality. Witty. Funny. handsome. You just rock at life." "You have one sexy smile." "Your eyes are the best I've seen."
What really gets me though, is if even a quarter of these things were true, why can't I ever manage to make anything last? To work out? To manage to be liked back in the same way? Why must it always turn out I'm just some booty call, the fallback? Oh yeah, and that girl I completely crush on and try to let know how I feel? I may as well be dead because I'm a nice guy. I've figure it out. Nice guys make great husband material, great friend material, but they're not what girls need now.
My (least) favorite part about this irony in being "attractive"? That girl I've crushed on forever doesn't realize it's her. I've been friend zoned and I don't see me getting out of it,because if I tried to exit it and succeed, I would probably fail. Failure would mean that I get out of the friend zone, but also told (kindly) to exit her life.
Oh yeah... and girls that I like and probably have a chance to do well with, they're hours away now. That's life.
So sometimes I have awesome friends. Sometimes we play Wallball and I take off my shirt. Other times we stuff our faces at Tucanos and laugh uproariously for five minutes. Oh yeah. Sometimes they get me hooked on music groups.
Like these examples below...
Japanese rock and Russian techno? I have found what I shall be listening to now.
Life isn't too fun right now. Been working 9-13 hours each day this past week and it's looking to be more or less the same this coming week. The first week was completely understandable, stocking a new store and being trained to be perfect by corporate. I had been hoping it would stop this week but some lovely person decided to quit opening week. Awesome.
