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I come from a small town, enjoy laughing and being the weird one to help others smile. We should hang out sometime.
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts

Friday, January 13, 2012

Monster Within


 Monster Within

Staring at my mirror, displeased and distraught,

reminiscing upon all the battles I've fought, 

I can not help but wonder, what do i feel? ,

do my emotions exist? , are they even real? ,

I glance at my body in disgust and scorn,

all that it lacks are the wings and the horns,

and the pitchfork, perfectly reflecting my character,

for the rank of my evil is of a truly high caliber, 

I despise all that is nice, I sympathize for no one, 

I glare in disgust upon all that is fun,

your mistaken if you think that I'm sweet or kind,

for if you knew the real me I'm sure that you'd find, 

I am nothing at all like the way I appear, 

I disguise my true self, I hide it in fear, 

I detest my appearance, I hate how I act,

so I silently made to myself a pact, 

I abandoned my heart and soul, and left them to rot,

in turn abandoning the pain and sorrow they brought,

and as my heart decays slowly, I can do nothing but stare,

into a mirror that reflects no one, as if I was not there,

and out of nowhere shrieks of pain and anguish ring upon my ears,

and everyone I ever knew breaks into loud cheers,

they stand above my casket, not in mourning but in joy,

they mock my frail corpse, for it resembles not a boy,

but a monster trapped inside that form, with not a chance to grow,

but it was the lack of heart and soul that laid the final blow,

and struck my body motionless, to lay in grief and woe,

and it was there that i died inside, the pain i felt, you'll never know, 

for I have no heart to pump my blood, no soul to warm my heart,

so my heart has grown an icy chill, and thus, broken apart, 

I did not resist my death, I felt it was deserved,

for my evil side still existed, though I kept it quite reserved,

so I died a painful death on my very date of birth, 

I died without a purpose, without a sense of worth,

and my death affected no one, they all lived on their lives,

as the empty shell of who I was, still wandered the earth, alive,

it resembles who I used to be, though it feels not a thing,

not a sliver of happiness, even pain doth not sting,

it wanders with no goal, only to eat and to write,

its poetic brilliance shudders, and awakens every night,

it claims to be me but has no real name yet, 

I would introduce you two, but you've already met,

it claims to be fond of you, I presume that is a sign,

maybe it plans to control you next, maybe you're all in line...


Here and there, the monster comes out. I hope you never get to see it, because then I fear you will never return.

 

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

God be with you

  1. God be with you till we meet again,
    By His counsels guide, uphold you,
    With His sheep securely fold you,
    God be with you till we meet again.
    • Refrain:
      Till we meet, till we meet,
      Till we meet at Jesus’ feet;
      Till we meet, till we meet,
      God be with you till we meet again.
  2. God be with you till we meet again,
    ’Neath His wings securely hide you,
    Daily manna still provide you,
    God be with you till we meet again.
  3. God be with you till we meet again,
    When life’s perils thick confound you,
    Put His arms unfailing round you,
    God be with you till we meet again.
  4. God be with you till we meet again,
    Keep love’s banner floating o’er you,
    Smite death’s threat’ning wave before you,
    God be with you till we meet again.





 Aloha oe, aloha oe, 
ikeona ona noho ikalipo
One fond embrace,
ahoe'ea a,
Until we meet again.  Aloha oe, aloha oe,              I miss you so much. My heart has a big sad face :'(
ikeona ona noho ikalipo
A smiling face
ahoe'ea a,
Until we meet again.




 Right now, I am crying. I cry tears of joy for knowing so many beautiful people that I get to leave behind. You all make me so happy, and I hope that we can be even better friends when I find my way home again. Don't be too annoyed if my name pops up on your phone on Sundays and assorted nights... because I am sure I'm going to miss you all so much. 



Aren't hugs simply amazing? With one hug you can say, oh-my-goodness-I-don't-want-to-let-you-go-you-should-talk-to-me-when-you-can-and-you-have-to-come-back-to-me-or-I'll-cry-a-lot-be-safe-while-you're-gone-or-I-will-kill-you. And I've been getting such wonderful hugs these past days. And these wonderful hugs will last me several months. 

 
All of you have to survive these months without me. I'm taking my Zombie Survival Guide with me so I'm set. Though if there IS an outbreak of Solanum, I'm sure I'll make it, but I worry about all of you people dear to my....BRAAAAIIINNNSSSS!! Weirdness aside, you are awesome sauce incarnate. If I had to decide between a lifetime supply of Nagiri and you, I'd choose you (Pikachu).
"It's like bubble wrap in my mouth!" - Bourne Phillips (Eating Tobiko Nagiri [flying fish eggs on rice and wrapped in seaweed])
"How do you get groin pains in your calves?" - Hamish Sharik (I meant growing pains)

"BE A MAN!" - Bourne Phillips (my secret to beating guys in bowling)
                     I LOVE YOU!!!!
You should text me... or call me... or just love me... a lot. I will have limited time to respond and may not even have cell service for the majority of several months. I will try and catch up on calls and such come Sundays and every other Friday.
801-787-7398
P.S. If you are feeling lonely and want to hear a big, manly voice, my voicemail should satisfy you. Not to mention you'll probably smile and be incredulous that I can talk that low....

Sunday, September 18, 2011



God gave me you. 




Yes. You.




Not  EWE.....





Not U.....

YOU, my friend.


I am SOOOO blessed to have so many amazing people care for me.  It stuns me all the time. You all mean so much to me. Like right now I'm on the edge of tears knowing that after Tuesday next week it'll be months before I see your smiling face. Pretty pitiful huh?
In the words of Christine, who is from the Phantom of the Opera, 

"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye. Remember me once in awhile, please promise me you'll try."

I somewhat have a fear of all of you forgetting me while I leave these coming months, though I know I've scarred all of you too much. 


  You've got a friend in me. Other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am. Bigger and stronger to. (maybe...)But none of them will ever love you the way I do. Just me and you. 


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Pesky Things

Good thing we are in the present...


You know what I'm talking about... those annoying little creatures flitting to and fro within your body. You know....


Feelings

It would be nice if they could decide what they really want to be. It would also be really nice if it were easier to describe or express them. But that, I think, would demean them. Getting to where you can fully show others what you feel means so much more. It's pretty difficult considering (at least for me) that there are so many different emotions with a score of shades to them all.




Right now... I've got more than a few feelings flying throughout my being. Such as what? Apprehension, anxiety, and foreboding. Some others include frivolosity, twitterpaition, and a deep sense of longing. Now... if I took time to explain it all in a post, it would be far too long and I lack the time or the skill to describe them all in one sitting. Now if you REALLY want to know, you should probably do something with me because that would be awesome.
I'm sure many have been guessing.... and most are probably wrong.... but I'm feeling two things about that person...
 


 I WOULD walk five-hundred miles... and I would walk five-hundred more. Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door.  

Please don't mind the first little bit... but this is the only one with the accompanying video.



You're beautiful. You're beautiful it's true. I saw your face, in a crowded place and I don't know what to do. 'Cause I'll never be with you (well that's what it feels like right now...)



I know I'll wait for you, but will you wait for me? Will I ever be brave enough to tell you?