Hey guys. I lack a large amount of time, but I just wanted to give a little update on life and let my overflowing thoughts flow from my cranium.
I spend a TON of time thinking about people, and how little I actually did with, and more importantly, for others. It's pretty funny what manual labor in the middle of nowhere can do for you.
For the first time in my life, I look at myself as being borderline buff.
I have a pretty decent tan.
I found myself.
Funny story, that is. I had to lose myself to find myself. I live with a group of guys where every morning, day, and night I have to ask myself who I want to be. For a few days I forgot who I was. Luckily in my ponderings I looked into myself. I searched within me in what I wanted in life, and life after life. Just exactly who I want to be.
And I went to this place. It was on my day off, and when I arrived in town it was ~8 at night. I looked like a hobo. But I was determined to see this place. I wandered the grounds, relishing the peace, the joy, the love. I eventually wandered into the north visitors center and went through and read every little thing in there. The best part though, was went into the room with the statue of our Lord. I sat down and just felt so loved, so overwhelmed. Every little thing I worried about was abated. I know He understands me. I know He sees the full plan. I know He loves me. And that means so much to me. I had a good hour conversation with two sister missionaries there. I had tears in my eyes the entire time, because I was truly bearing my testimony. They didn't ask for it, it just came. It felt so GOOD to say it. It lives in my heart, but to really locute it. Now that was wonderful.
That is one thing I really dislike about myself. When I'm with people I always lock up. I don't find it within myself to say a quarter of what I want to say and when I finally DO find the courage, I just have such a hard time putting what I feel into words. I find myself just being quiet.
This quote rang true with me. President Kimball was the man who started my superhero to serving the Lamanites with all his strength. I'll be like him one day."When we convern ourselves more with others, there is less time to be concerned with ourselves.... The more we serve our fellow men in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls. We become more significant individuals as we serve others. We become more substantive as we serve others -- indeed, it is easier to 'find' ourselves because there is so much more of us to find." - Spencer W. Kimball
Hearts are annoying creatures. They throw themselves out, usually just getting banged up and hurt. When you finally learn it's better to keep them locked up it's too late. And as soon as you quit guarding them they weasel away and throw themselves at that one person you really want to have a gigantic crush on but are totally beyond you.