Depression

Depression. 

One of the songs I was listening to while putting this together.

A word that is commonplace. Nary a second thought to it.

We see it. We hear about it.

It doesn't really matter.

It's not so bad. Just be happy again. 

Smile.

Get over it.

It really isn't something you just "get over".

It hurts. A lot.

Though I'm not entirely hurt is the truest word.

A piercing, persistent ache that never leaves.

Depression is a pit.

"Get over it" and "Just be happy" really does nothing. Feels a lot like this.

Depression sinks in so gently, but weighs so heavily. Emotion that soared so high is now grounded. Ever held lead? For me, it feels like my body has turned to lead when I need to get out of bed. I don't want to move. I don't want to do anything. Getting out and going is just so difficult. It's not unusual for me to lay in bed til four in the afternoon just so I have less of a day to try and fake through. 

With depression you can still do "happy" things. Laugh. Dance. Make merry. But without really feeling these things. To be honest, it's a lot easier to pretend you're happy, to laugh and smile at people, than it is to just be as you feel. When people notice it's always the same set of questions and answers.

Q: Are you okay (alright, fine)?
A: Yeah. (Fine, great, just normal)
Q: You just seem... different.
A: I'm just tired.

I love that one. 

I'm just tired.

A fine statement that people accept.

An honest statement. 

I'm just tired of waking up.

 Tired of being around.

Tired of being taken for granted.

Tired of being used.

Tired of being convenient.

Yeah. I'm tired.

Welp. Better out than in, amirite?