Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower,
we will grieve not. But  rather find strength in what remains behind. In the primal sympathy
which having been must ever be, within the soothing thoughts
that spring out of human suffering. Within the face that looks through death.
Thanks to the human heart by which we live, thanks to its tenderness,

its joys, its tears, we may persevere.

 I left you guys for awhile. It's true. What happened in that time? Too many things to list but I will 

attempt to regardless... 

• Strengthened testimony
• Lost 15 pounds
• Became beefy
• Realized how much people mean to me
• Learned about myself

There's so much more that I may blog of later or that I save for actual conversation (yes, this is a plea for conversation and hanging out). This post, this post is not the usual flippant drivel. This post will [hopefully] be more meaningful. Sadly, I am very poor at putting what I feel into words but I will try to convey a bit of it into these empty pixels.

Out there, I felt so alone. For a large amount of the time, I was alone. Spending hour upon hour by me own lonesome has changed me. The changes aren't large and fantastic, but they are small, significant changes.

Solitude allowed me to see how wonderful my friends are. How to begin to appreciate them. 

Without you few people, I know I would not be where I am today. Friends lift you up, friends

are always there, friends don't have to think twice to tell you where you're messing up, but 

most importantly, they love. They love through thick and thin. It's true that there are times

when it becomes difficult to remember that love but it is there all the same. I have been blessed 

SO much when it comes to friends. My friends make me smile, inside and out. My friends 

make me feel comfortable. My friends better me I even have a friend who knows the questions

 to ask. You may think be thinking, "Wow. Questions? Really?" Yes really. This friend has

 turned into a bit of a shrink for me. They pursued a somewhat offhand remark I made and

gave me a question to ponder upon. The answer to that question has truly been such a wonderful

help to me. Thank you friend.

The desert, at first glance, seems barren. There seems to be nothing but sand

and the occasional piece of sagebrush. Out there I learned the sound of a wingbeat.

I saw my first living eagle. I saw bald eagles. I attained a great appreciation for 

beauty. Founding a single flower out in the barren world, that struck a resounding

chord somewhere deep within me.

To me the meanest flower that blows,can give thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.

In the glow of awakened memories when the deepest feelings of the 

heart are all astir, we are reminded of the poet who sings, 

"Backward, turn backward,
     O time in your flight.Make me a child again just for tonight." 

As the moon lingers a moment over the Rockies before its descent

into the invisible, my mind is filled with song. I find I am humming softly,

not to the music, but something else.

Someplace else.

A place remembered.

A field of grass where no one seemed to have been except the deer.

And the memory is strengthened

                  by the feeling of   you,

dancing 

in my awkward arms. 

"Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets 

 and makes night air smell better." -- Henry Rollins