I spend a lot of time thinking. It isn't particularly good for me. Why? Because I have this terrible tendency of thinking of what's on my heart, and that leads to pain. I'm trying so hard to change, but my heart likes jumping without any regard to safety. I just want to feel wanted. I've given up on seeing any females. Always busy or going to get back to me or just straight up ignoring me. The times I actually get to make plans, they fall through or they "forget" about them. I know there are legitimate reasons but the fact that there is NEVER any follow up or re-try just show me how people really feel.  The low point is I've actually been dreaming and dreaming of them and I wake up and it's not like I slept and my heart still aches for them. It's pitiful.

Bright side? I still get to see people smile. That sunshine keeps me going.