Social

I don't do people so well. 

I find it difficult to be completely open with someone. 

I stumble over words and phrases.

 I mumble.

 I fear what others might think of me.

 I'm afraid of people not liking me.

 I'm afraid of people. 

I don't do well with small groups I don't really know.

I don't do well in large groups.

I afraid to hope.

I hope too much.

I hope for too much.

I invest my heart too much.

 I'm too needy.

 I'm too much of a pushover.

I don't know when to hope.

I'm funny (at least I think so).

I'm fairly easy to get along with.

I love seeing people smile.

I love people laughing.

Hugs are good.

So I think we can all agree that I'm no good with people, regardless of how much I like having them around. Luckily I sometimes get these people in my life that can coax me out of my shell and I can manage to ramble out a few sentences here and there. I can sit around and talk. Not even about anything important, just words coming out about how I might feel about a particular subject and they answer and can actually kind of maybe connect... sort of. It isn't half bad. Most the time I'm usually just content with being around people and listening to what they say. 

I wish I wasn't so prone to giving out my heart and wearing it around on my chest. It betrays me too often. It really hurts when I finally get to the point where I trust someone enough to open up and  then they disappear. I guess it's better that they disappear then, but it'd be nice to have someone I could depend on. Oh well. I really should pick up my feet and keep plodding on, but that can wait. Everyone needs time for a pity party and I'm choosing now for one. Never understood why they call it a party... it's more of the opposite, an antiparty. 

Some thoughts

Hey.

I'm sorry for not really relating anything good to you guys. It's just that I haven't really felt  like there's been anything good worth sharing.

I've been thinking.... a lot.

Thinking isn't something I should not do. I wax philosophical and tend to do things I normally wouldn't do (okay, things that I would normally only imagine doing). Like finally understanding that sometimes I just need to come to terms with certain things and realize my position in other peoples lives. That I really should just find those that care about me for me and make them the important people in my life. If others cant find it in themselves to care about me and how I feel, to make that little amount of time for me, they really aren't worth my time. 

Then I come up with little one liners. A  lot of em . I really should start writing them down.

Listen or your tongue will keep you deaf.


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