Used

I'm sick of being used. All my life all I've ever been is a tool. The worst part is I keep falling for the same tricks, the same lies. I'm good for a kiss or two then it's the door for me. I"m good for a few answers on the homework then they no longer know me.  Relationships? Forget it. I'm a good guy. That means I am relegated to the friend zone because I'm a "really great guy". I'm so sick of being somebody elses plaything.

"I hurt myself today,

 to see if I still feel.

 I focus on the pain, 

the only thing that's real.

The needle tears a hole, 

the old familiar sting.

 Try to to kill it all the way, 

but I remember everything."

                    

Everyone I know goes away in the end.

Basically the only good thing recently is I got a text out of the blue.  I will share a little snippet now.
"Ever since I first met you, I've wanted to get to know you. You're unique. You do thing that most people I know wouldn't have the courage to do. You're smart and caring. You're amazing Bourne. There's so much to you than people notice."

 

Playing the fool

Within the courts of life, a jester does reside

Ever does he free others of strife, 'tis truly his only pride

Little do others know, a secret he does keep

Lo his heart writhes in woe, the pain of which gentility does not speak

  

He keeps such feelings locked away, his face the everchanging mask

Entertaining others day by day, his neverending task.

Lifting the spirits of his fellow men, shallow joy in every laugh

Protecting them from his own ken,to be thrown away as not but chaff

Mightily he tries, daily he dies

Ever living his lies, from trust he shies.

Sometimes I get very annoyed by certain individuals who profess that they wish to do things with me when excuses magically pop up every time. I could go on and on and on, but I'm only kinda passive-aggressive. This lyric prose is enough for today.

Late night pondering.

Hello. It is a quarter to two in the morning. I cannot sleep due to a number of things, which I will not disclose. There is some good that comes with it though. Recently, with a friends help, I learned to like me. But tonight I realize my greatest fear is of myself. Why am I telling you this? I'm not too sure. Text me ok?

Untitled

Well hullo there, unfaithful readers!   Yes I do realize I've been neglecting you. No, I will not apologize for going out and being out and about for once. 

So I'm sitting here, verily attempting to create an entertaining post for you, but I cannot. You see.... my mind is a bit occupied envisioning a beauty beyond description. 

As we all know, music expresses what words cannot convey (even if the music itself has words). So here is some music that basically conveys a general update on me life.